To have an abundant life or a thousand mile stare

I found myself, a couple weeks ago, sitting next to a woman with the saddest eyes and the longest stare.  She led a life full of the drink and it had clearly consumed her. She was volatile, moody and sad all at the same time. When I looked into her eyes, I saw a life that was dark and dreary.  I saw pain, the heaviness from a thousand scars, and hopelessness.  

As I sat with her, I asked her about the things she loved: flowers from her garden, her two dogs, a good day.  When she spoke of these things, her eyes lit up as if to restart her soul but the flame drew dim just as quickly as it flared up.  I spoke gently to her, rubbing her back, holding her hand. Trying desperately to speak life into her heart.  That thousand mile stare broke me. I just kept thinking why would anyone want to live that way? And then that still small voice spoke to me. 

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

I struggle to understand the way of the bible and Jesus' teachings.  I struggle to understand why we should follow all these rules and live a specific way but maybe it's literally as simple as John 10:10 puts it.  God tells us not to do certain things because he wants sometime different for us.  Us with all our scars and baggage. Us who fall prey to the easy answers. Us who in our ignorance are so cleverly deceived by emptiness wrapped in a bow. Man, what if god is just trying to give us a life we don't even know we could have? 

One of my theology professors from college told me that sometimes people choose a hotdog because they have never experienced the beauty of a steak.  We choose the hot dog because it is sufficient and sometimes great but a steak is a beautiful thing. When you have experienced a steak why would you want to go back to the hot dog?  Well, it's because we know and understand the hot dog. 

I believe God wants more for his people. If he really is a God of love, then his actions must be out of love.  God is constantly referencing how he will care for his people (clothing them like the flowers of the field, any good father wouldn't give his children a snake instead of a gift, the entire life of Joseph, etc etc).  

I believe that the richness that comes from following God is something I could have.  I used to have.  I have become so blinded by all the answers I don't know about this faith that I have lost sight of the things I do know.  God desires his people. But he doesn't just want a bunch of drones, he gave us the choice to love him.  He gave us the choice to choose him.  He gave us the choice to choose which life we could have.  

Do I want to continue trying to be a good person for the sake of it? Do I want a life that can be full in a way I still do not understand or do I want that thousand mile stare? Proverbially, we all have areas in our hearts where we stare.  If I could just let it go and let God in and allow him to trim my dead branches- what kind of life would I have? What kind of stare do you have? 

Our lives could be full and abundant, beautiful and loving. And even if those things are already there- what if they could be more genuine, real, and honest- what if by having all these things, we can disrupt those thousand mile stares In the people around us and share life? There is something bigger here. Bigger than us. I want to share love with everyone. I always wanted to be enough for everyone.  But I think what my heart desires is to experience the love of God, and then Share it. 

Our lives are bigger than we think, we are all connected and we can all affect change. I genuinely believe this.  And again, I know we can do this without a religion or a god to give us this awesome life or whatever, I am just arguing that perhaps God has a different way and perhaps his way is more effective. 

--his beloved