love

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him, shall not perish but have everlasting life - John 3:16

What do I even know about love? I know how to love others.. I know how to be love for others.. but i dont know how to accept love. Someone told me once that God brags about me. I ask: to who? and why? Someone once told me, God melts when he looks at you. I ask: how does that work, and why? I dont know how to accept love. I don't know if i'll ever be able to accept it. Love wasn't something prevailiant in my life. Love.. came after i met Christ. but even then. why? WHy would you love me? why would you send your son to die for this wretch? why? I believe he did it, but why?

God, is love. I just dont get love. I mean, i see it. I do, i really do. in my church and pastors that care for me even when im a jerk, and love me despite all I do. I know it, ive felt it, I just have a hard time processing it. Its been on my mind for the past couple days. Someone once told me that I need to love myself before I can properly love others. I think they might be true. I just pray God shows me how to accept it. maybe the first moment of acceptance is loving myself? im just not sure.

-jackie

My heart cries to fly

  I’ve been sitting in a pit (proverbially of course) of mud.  I knew i should have gotten up and cleaned myself off, but the effort of the whole thing seemed too hard to attempt.  In fact, the mud didn’t seem too bad. The mud almost seemed comfortable.  The more i sat in it, the less I wanted to walk into the sunshine, enjoy smelling flowers and other cool things people who don’t sit in proverbially mud pits do.  The reality of it is, I was tired.  so tired.  too tired.  I didn’t want to push myself anymore. I didn’t want to hear God cheering me on.  I turned everything off and sat.  what a life to live. 

Funny thing about sitting in mud pits however, is that Jesus didn’t make us to sit in mud pits.  He came that we may have life and have it to the full.  there was nothing full about my mud pit lifestyle except me.  I was full of myself.  Anyways, through a series of events and unhappiness at my pit life, a couple hands reached down and picked me up despite my better efforts and warding them off.

Guess what?  I like standing outside the mud.  Although i learned tons in the pit, im learning even more out of it.  there is only so much you can learn about your situation before there is nothing left to learn.  Strangely, the pit life sucked me of passion and excitement.  The desires that make me me, withered to nothing.. but now.. Oh now.. My heart is crying again. 
Not a bad crying.  now, my heart cries to fly.  God i want to fly away to lands with strange food and animals, people that dont look or think like me, and i want to learn from them and teach them about living outside the pit.  teach them about living to fly. 

John 10:10 ~ I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full, I have not come into the world to condemn the world, but to save it.

livin in the pit?  take a chance and try to stand.  the perspective up here is alot better, I promise.

--Jackie