love

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him, shall not perish but have everlasting life - John 3:16

What do I even know about love? I know how to love others.. I know how to be love for others.. but i dont know how to accept love. Someone told me once that God brags about me. I ask: to who? and why? Someone once told me, God melts when he looks at you. I ask: how does that work, and why? I dont know how to accept love. I don't know if i'll ever be able to accept it. Love wasn't something prevailiant in my life. Love.. came after i met Christ. but even then. why? WHy would you love me? why would you send your son to die for this wretch? why? I believe he did it, but why?

God, is love. I just dont get love. I mean, i see it. I do, i really do. in my church and pastors that care for me even when im a jerk, and love me despite all I do. I know it, ive felt it, I just have a hard time processing it. Its been on my mind for the past couple days. Someone once told me that I need to love myself before I can properly love others. I think they might be true. I just pray God shows me how to accept it. maybe the first moment of acceptance is loving myself? im just not sure.

-jackie