I read this book, heaven is for real and it tells this awesome story about a boy who died during a procedure and visits heaven. For this apathetic, cynical soul, it was a breath of fresh air, surprisingly. I get so caught up in trying to be level headed and annoyingly realistic that I fear i shove all room for faith from my heart. The dreams I believe God has given me are still there, sometimes I have very real moments with God, but faith for me gets over analyzed and trashed by logical sequencing. This book though, even though I feel I should be critically analyzing, has breathed into my soul and awaken a part of me I didn't know had fallen asleep...
Faith like a child. Am I still his child? Pride and arrogance wraps its arms around me to shield me from the hurts of this world and I am missing the most important part. I really am talking to my creator when I pray. I really am hearing from Christ, the guy in the book of words that sear my soul. Christ, the guy who died so i could be a little punk christian who thinks she knows the world better than the dude who created it. Christ, who still loves me despite all that. Alive.
It is so hard for me to hold onto that concept these days. I don't know what made me so cynical and so hard, but I just am. I critique everything the Christians around me do, staying far enough apart that I cannot critique myself. Staying far enough away that I can do what I want and explain it away. Its funny how we Christians make the christian faith work for us, instead of submitting to it.
But all that aside, heaven is real. I knew that because despite my stubborn pigheadedness and rebellious analytical nature, I firmly believe the bible is law. It is truth and my life must a line to the truth inside such texts. The bible says its real, thus i believe it is real. But after reading this book, my heart finally accepted that it is real. Man, I don't even really care about the heaven part - I care about the meeting Jesus part. I look around me at my stuff, my goals and who I have in my life, and it doesn't mean anything. Nothing. Because if I died now, I would be with Christ. That fact is the song and desire of my heart. I want that so bad that I think i somehow just pushed it away. I want to look at him and touch him, feel him and sit on his lap and feel pure like a child. The child I know I am but try so hard to prove i'm not. God, I'm so annoying.
I prayed after readin this book, and i felt for the first time in a long time that I was really talking to Jesus. My faith grew wings and flew. I prayed for something knowing it would happen, I said no to sin because I had my head in the game. I had the right perspective for once. now if only I can hold onto that without crashing and burning. All the negative aside. This book has carved off a big chunk of realism inside me and brought something back to life - like only the holy spirit can do.
Thanks god for being my savior, man you know I need it.
- his beloved.
