I am watching a CNN expose’ about the things happening in this world that are bad. I turned on the TV so I could understand the extent of the swine flu and it was on. From viruses from bush meat in africa, the Mend militant group in Nigeria, and lead poisioning in the children in Peru, I am left feeling hopeless and a little despairing. Why is this world so hard, and why is it SO bad?
Recently, God has been showing me a lot of things about him, about me, and about where God wants to send me. I have been feeling an incessant urging to rise above where I am living. To become the woman of God he has called me to be. Not that I haven't been living that calling, but I feel like the intensity has gotten higher. I want to do the things God has told me I will do. I want to travel to all the countries laid out for me, I want the missions calling to be tangible. real. I want it to be more than an idea or great dream. I want it to be my reality and I feel like God is making that happen.
I say all this to say that when I watch such programs like the CNN planet in Peril expose’ I am helpless sitting here in front of my computer. Sitting here in school. In Washington. I am helpless as me. I just pray and pray that things can get better but the situation seems so big, and my prayers so small. But then as I write this, I realize how self involved that thinking is. This situation is above me. I can only do what has been put in my life to do. Be faithful with the things that enter into my life. Pray and pray and know God is hearing me. God hurts for this world more than I could ever imagine.
Being a missionary is the one thing that I can honestly say I want to do for the rest of my life. It just seems hard and hopeless when the entire world is so big and I am only one girl. God, I am glad you are bigger than this.
--jackie