Regret?
It’s not necessarily a bad thing. I used to want to be one of those people who would charge into life with their fists held high screaming the motto “NO REGRETS!!” I always wished I felt that way but I never have. It would be a lie to myself if I ever proclaimed such a thing. The thing is, I do have regrets. Many of them. I have made a lot of mistakes and my poor personality complex towards humanity screams each one of said regrets in the face of another. I have the ability to beat myself up until I have no self-esteem left. I can be pretty critical.
Because I feel these things, I do have regrets. I wish I had done this thing differently, or I wish I had stood up for my friend better. Regrets stem out of the idea of who we want to be. Whether it be the fact that we don’t want to be the douche bag friend and not hurt so many peoples feeling or we want to be the brave assertive person who says what they feel and takes life by the balls. Regret is an emotion brought forth by something that happened the way we didn’t want it to.
No regrets. The war cry sounds like an awesome idea. Who wants to feel those emotions anyways? We beat ourselves up, feel really crappy, and it follows us around – if you let it. However, I think regret helps us grow. I think feeling those things helps us turn ourselves around and change. Become a better person; stand up for that friend the next time. Regret has the ability to turn us into the people we know we can be.
Regret is something I have been feeling a lot of lately. A very close family friend lies in her bed ready to pass away and I waited to call. I don’t know why I waited – I think I was avoiding the awkward death conversation. I wanted to believe she would be okay. I wanted to deal with it later. I wanted to procrastinate the inevitable. I cannot talk to her or go visit her now because she is almost ready to pass and cannot hear or talk back to me. I will never be able to say I got the chance to say goodbye. I have been kicking myself since I found out. I never want this to happen again and I hate to say that she is the reason for my change but from now on, I will call. I never want to put aside for tomorrow what needs to be done today because it makes me uncomfortable. This regret that I feel for not calling my friend has irrevocably changed my entire view on procrastination and relationships. I do it a lot.
Regret can be a good thing. So now when I hear carpe diem, yolo, no regrets and the like- instead of wishing I felt that way- now I will. Because hopefully I have made enough mistakes to make the right choices the first go around. And if not? I'll use regret to my advantage so no opportunity in life is wasted.
- his beloved
