Graduation!

 

          I stood watching the class of 2008 walk down to the stage last year while i waited with the rest of the choir to sing that year’s graduation songs.  I felt a beating deep in my chest.. something stirring me to overwhelming emotion. 

             This year, I stood with my class while i prepared to walk down the isle to receive the little folder stating I would be graduating.  I had been squealing all day but when it came time to walk, i grew quiet (as i do in all situations of intense unknown) and all I could say was thank you.  God.  Thank you.  My biggest cheerleader.  The one who lead me this way.  My coach, My protector.  My deliverer.  The one who held my hand while my fiancé and I broke up in junior year, The one who carried me when my mom died my senior year.  The one who never gave up on me. 

              Sure, I was proud of myself, but really.. All I was thinking was my deepest thanks to my Lord.  God, why are you so good to me?  Why did you give me such great dreams to live and let me see unfold before my eyes?  God what else will I do with your help?  The dreams that swirl around my head sparkle with the idea that they could actually come true.  Most importantly, God.. you told me before this even happened that it would indeed happen.  Why would you be so honest and revealing to someone who messes so many things up?  God.. Thank you for helping me get through school.  For making a bridge for me to cross stormy waters. God.. seriously.. Thank you for never giving up on me and walking with me every step of the way. 

            There is something beautiful and intimate about a God who watches you accomplish the dreams he put in your heart in the first place, knowing that he didn’t just send you away and come to graduation when you had finished.. No.. He walked with me.. and those times i couldn’t even Walk.. HE CARRIED ME.  I could have never gotten this far without his loving embrace.  never got across that stage to grab that blue folder. Never would have received that prize everyone keeps talking about. I am currently continuing my education here at Northwest University to receive my TESL (teaching English as a second language) certificate.  Then on to Alaska, to hopefully complete my CNA (certified nursing license) and my license to preach.. Then I will hopefully make the 9 and a half hour trip to beautiful Japan and teach English for a year.

            what does God have for me after that?  I don’t know.. but i am not in need and I am not scared.  He got me across that stage, he got me through some of the toughest times of life.. He will show me which way to go. 

Isaiah 30:21 says Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."  and he is so right

 

--Jackie

A gossipy world makes me keep my mouth shut

 

Since my mom’s death I have spent quite a lot of time withdrawing from the people around me and observing how the world works.  Generally, this action makes me a tad bit depressed but in my current situation, it’s a bit freeing. 

Upon my time of quietness, I have observed something that makes my stomach churn.  As a Christian, it makes me sick and I get so frustrated. The people that Gossip.  I am certainly not freed of guilt in this area but I would say that I work my butt off to make sure nothing escapes my lips.  I was in a friend of mine’s room and I listened as she made a phone call describing for a long time how this lady did this, or why she won’t do that.  She talked about how she felt her life was bad because she seemed like the kind of person who stayed out all night partying.  This confuses me.  Why should this woman be the point of attack behind her back because her lifestyle is different from that of another? 

I went to lunch with a couple of friends of mine and listened as they talked and made fun of another person because of their personal view of watching sex in movies.  I will admit that I didn’t stick up for her and just succumbed to quietness and that isn’t something I want to turn into a habit.  However, I was so frustrated.  So so frustrated.  this is why.

Jesus calls us to love one another.  He calls us to carry each other's burdens.  To help each other out, to be a family.  A real family lives to love and support one another.   A real family shouldn’t put each other down when they talk about its members.  I am hesitant to ever share anything in my life with anyone in this world, or my church because I don’t want my personal business that I share with someone to be talked about. For a girl with trust problems, its hard enough as it is. Why do we gossip?  What is it about our lives that are so dull that we must talk about another’s?  I am so tired of not being able to tell anyone what i struggle with for fear of someone else talking about it behind my back.. I know that we live together as a community.  Whether small scale or large, and my story can become apart of your story and your story can become a part of my story and that isn’t what I'm arguing against.  I’m arguing for the love and respect of my peers, my church body, my friends.  It just seems right to not blab someone else’s business.  Cuz i mean, if I wanted them to know.. Wouldn’t I have told them?

 

--Jackie