Tangible love pt. 1

There are five times in my life that people have shown me the power of tangible love.  First, when I was interning in Egypt, my mother made it a point to call me every week to make sure I was okay.  She let me talk about myself and all my adventures with no thought of her own.  She racked up an 800$ phone bill just to let me know that she was supporting me from far away.  I never felt homesick because her presence gave me the strength to live overseas without feeling like I was there alone.  She changed my definition of tangible love despite distance that summer.

In the midst of a really tragic breakup for me, a friend of mine took numerous hours of her life to spend time with me, walking, eating, trying coffee, going to seattle and just plain being around more often because I was alone and lonely.  She listened to me whine about my sadness, she was happy with me when I was - she was supportive when I didn't know what to do.  She offered herself in a way so very consistently that it wasn't just ONE time - it was like the whole semester.  She taught me how to treat people who live in a state of sorrow.  She showed me Jesus by getting me outside myself and keeping me distracted. 

In 2012, My husband and I suffered probably the worst thing in each of our lives and lost the child we hoped and planned for.  It was such a dark time in our lives.  The night we found out, I drank a half a bottle of vodka and wept huge crocodile tears over the broken, desolate feeling in my heart.  My friend came over without any hesitation and held me for what seemed like forever and allowed me to cry on her without any word.  She held me up when I couldn’t stand.  She gave me her strength when I had nothing but the loss of my baby.  She changed my definition of a friend in that moment.

More recently, I was at a wedding that everyone I knew was at except my husband.  For reasons of his own, he was unable to attend.  While I was surrounded by my family, I wanted him there with me as my partner. I felt horribly alone and my sister in law spent probably 75% of the wedding with me.  Talking to me, encouraging me, bonding with me, and loving me.  She changed my definition of what it means to love a sister and friend that day. 

My husband has shown me a fifth time in my life where I have experienced tangible love and has changed my definition of a lover in a marriage.  I was having a horrible time reconciling my views of humanity and the reality of those around me.  I was feeling very hopeless towards people and my hopelessness turned into an ugly monologue of hate.  I spewed this hate for the evening and he stood by and listened.  He comforted me and tried to reassure me in my sorrow.  The next morning, I woke feeling pretty silly at how my thoughts had turned and I worried that the things I said would break something in our marriage.  While he acknowledged that I was indeed spewing venom, nothing changed.  He loved me anyways.  He has changed my definition of genuine love and acceptance.

I want to talk about love.  I want to talk about people.  I want to talk about Jesus.

I have struggled and struggled to find Jesus in this world.  I spend a lot of time thinking about him and how he works and what he is all about.  I have struggled for my entire life to see love – REAL tangible love which is the kind of love I believe Jesus was all about.  I find humanity to be mostly broken and I desire to love tangibly like Jesus, I just didn’t really know how. The things my examples have in common however all carry a theme.  I was open to accepting love and they were selfless enough to give how I needed, not how they needed.   

Love, although abundant in my life, usually seemed to carry a price.  I’m not talking about birthday cards from my grandparents, or calls from my siblings -  I mean – LOVE that is given despite not being worthy of having.  I would also counter with the idea that a lot of the time I did not feel worthy of having love.  There are countless scars and many dusty bags in my life that I have yet to heal around and unpack.  I do not generally open myself to the love people would give.  I have known love to come at a price and I simply do not have time to pay.  However, as I have been thinking about love and how to treat other people with love, I have learned that true love does always come with a price, just not the one I thought.  True and tangible love comes with sacrifice, patience, consistency and sometimes is unpleasant to the person giving the love.  A lot of the time, loving someone means to put yourself aside and do for them instead of you.  It is a selfless move of sacrifice.  True love is the epitome of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins.  Now, if you do not know the story – essentially, Jesus, who is God, became a man and came with a message of love.  He then died for this message.  And even if you are not religious and do not believe the Christian bible, what Jesus did for the sake of love is inspiring and amazing.  He literally died for the people who cursed him and hated him.  He gave something up for the ultimate act of love. 

People, are broken and messy.  More often than not, they will hurt you or let you down in some form and I have learned from the people I have opened up to that I can love people tangibly.   This is my life goal.  I want to spend the rest of my life learning how to love my friends genuinely and honestly in a way that my love can impact them in a way others have impacted me.  I want to learn how to love my husband the way he loves me.  I want to learn to accept people where they are in love instead of making them change before I find them worthy of my “love.”  I want something real and I want to give this to other people.  Love changes people for the better and it might mean that I will be hurt from time to time in my crusade for love but the bible tells us to guard our hearts (the next blog I’ll be writing) and teaches how to keep that heart safe.  It is such a strong and fragile thing. The next time someone offends, or hurts, reach out and offer a hand.  Choose to react in love instead of understandable response and I promise you will be surprised. The next time you begin to fight with your loved one, ask yourself if it will matter tomorrow if they died.  I am trying to make this thought process a habit for myself. I encourage you to try this as well.