regrets

A friend of mine asked me how i deal with the regrets in my life. I wrote back and forth to her for awhile and realized that I had something smart to say about it because I have taken 5 years of my life to struggle with and sort it out.  I have only figured out a chunk of the iceberg, but I like the journey I’ve traveled because I have learned so much by feeling what i felt, and learning to feel how i feel now.  

See, the thing is, I used to spend a lot of time living in shame for the things I wish could have been different.  I used to identify myself with my regrets.  Because of all that self loathing however, I have come to learn a couple things that I’d like to pen now.

When I do something that I am ashamed of, regret, or wish I could take back, I spend alot of time reflecting on what I did to make me feel that way.  I think about the good things that could come from my mistake, the bad realities that have come from my mistake and essentially why I even regret the mistake.  Was it something I said and did?  what made me regret it?  Why? I think about who I hurt with my actions so that I really understand the reality of what I’ve done. I try to get a firm understanding of the shame im feeling so that I can remember why I regret what i’ve done. Then, I make a plan to do things differently if the opportunity presents itself.  I also think about what I could have done differently to make the situation go my way.

I am not my mistakes. I am not defined by the mistakes I have made.  The thing is, is that I am human and I will make mistakes, and sometimes (a lot of times) I make really big, bad mistakes. They hurt me and those around me.  Am I bad because of that though?  No, I think not.  That’s because although you can tell a lot about a person by their choices that doesn’t mean that is who they are.  Jesus, claims us as his precious and most special children.  He says we have a plan and a future, he knows all the hairs on our head, he died because of his love for us.  Jesus has already validated me.  I am not my mistake.  I will not let that define who I am. If I do, I discredit the maker of the universe.  Because of that hope, I also do not have to continue choosing to make bad decisions.  Because through all mistakes, regrets and shame, there is good.

I wrote previously about Romans 8:28.  I truly believe that in ALL things, god works them out for the good of those who love him.  See, even if the mistake caused horrible consequences, something good can come from it and at the very least, you have learned from it.  I also have to remember that I am not done living yet.  If i make a mistake right now, that doesn't mean its the end of the world.  I have the rest of my life to live and learn and laugh and grow into a better person.  the regrets can fuel you to be that person.  So, see?  good can come from bad.

regrets. shame. dirty. bad.  they are all negative words in our vocabulary.  But mistakes and regrets can be something beautiful.  so so beautiful. we are not the mistakes we make in this world.  and even if it takes till our dying day to figure it out, there is beauty in perseverance.

--Jackie