I wrote this while dealing with the COVID pandemic. I worked in a hospital and I had a particularly difficult day.
As I went down to the river to pray..
Studyin about that
good ole way…
The nurse and I made our way into the hospital
room. The yellow isolation gowns were overflowing from the trash cans, alcohol
prep pads and saline flush wrappers littered the floor. The shelf was
stacked with misspent hope in the unopened packages of protein drinks, muffins
and pastries for the patient to keep his energy up for his body to survive.
And who shall wear the starry crown…
Good Lord, show me the
way…
The room carried an undertone of whirring sound from the negative airflow
machine that had become a permanent fixture meant to suck all the Covid germs
away. I was hot under all my protective
equipment, sweating through my scrubs - but my comfort hardly mattered as I
studied the face of the man in front of me.
Peaceful, and gray. He sported a
nicely defined beard but I am not sure if it grew on him while he was in the
hospital or if this was his normal face.
I moved the bed so I could fit on one side while my nurse took her place
on the other.
O brothers let's go down…
Let's go down, come on down…
Come on brothers let's go down…
Down in the river to pray…
I felt the weight of every face I had seen in this
position. Struggling for weeks to live-
only to die. As I uncovered his body,
the nurse put some music on while we cleaned his body. I wiped the hair off his forehead so he
looked his very best and began my task of cleaning and preparing the dead. First I took his IV out and taped his arm,
lifting it carefully because even though he had passed, I was honored to give
him his last cares which meant treating his body like he was there.
As I went down in the river to pray…
Studying about that good old way…
And who shall wear the starry crown…
Good Lord, show me the way...
The nurse and I spoke frankly about covid and
how heavy it weighs on our hearts.
Watching good and beautiful people never make it, suffocating to death
in front of their loved ones, in front of us.
I held his hand and said a little prayer for him because I couldn’t say
what I wanted to say. I’m sorry you died
this way. I’m sorry we couldn’t do more. I hate what happened to you. I wanted you to live. I am sorry your family has been affected with
this huge loss of your life. Your name
matters to me. I say it over and over so
I can remember, because you should not be forgotten. Desperately clinging to
hope that I remember you with all the other names I hold tightly in my heart.
O mothers let's go down…
Let's go down, come on down…
Come on mothers let's go down...
Down in the river to pray…
The music played in the back ground as the nurse and I put a new gown on the
man I met only once in the midst of his death and got ready to place his body
into the body bag to be collected with the rest of those who perished too
early.
As I went down in the river to pray…
I cried out in my heart to God “Where are you
in all this?” to which my heart heard “I am holding them in the midst of this” and
my heart broke even further, because although the answer feels comforting, I
found despair in the knowledge that although He holds them, they will still
die.
Studying about that good old way…
Is there no reprieve? Is this the standard now? People just getting
sick and dying? Nothing I can do, no cheering when you finally defeat this and
leave this place?
And who shall wear the starry crown…
Good Lord, show me the way...
I turned the man on his side while the nurse
tucked the body bag underneath him. I
tucked his feet in first, the toe tag startlingly bright against his skin, no
longer thriving with life, but settled in death. I then lifted his head and took
a good look into his face, I had to remember. I committed his face to memory as
we zipped up the bag and tied the body tag to the outside. I have to remember this. This moment, right here. It matters.
This man matters. This matters.
O fathers let's go down…
Let's go down, come on down…
Come on fathers let's go down…
Down in the river to pray…
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