Dare I hope?

I covered myself in a shield of your words, 

Darting and furling with the strength of a hurricane.  I repeated the words, hurled in anger over and over until I could hear no others 

I carried my bitterness like a trophy on my back, martyred in the injustice of my broken ideals.  Intimate reminders of stolen kisses and unstoppable laughter a remnant of another world, replaced with sighs and distrust.

I carried on with my pride as it strengthened my resolve while I walked with my judgments held high, broken heart leaving a bread trail in case I'd ever find the way back to happy and normal.

These defenses weighed me down and blackened my soul- lonely and aching at the loss of my source of strength.  Your presence blew around me but I cowered with my walls, aching to grab hold but fighting to push you away.  The pain I felt in feeling you, cut me deeper still and I faced the storm to surrender. Apathetic. You win. Fuck you. I can't win this war. I can't fight what I don't know. 

I plan to let go and I hate myself.  I can't stand in this storm for you without you.  I can't stand in this storm alone.  But hope strikes the stone I've created as a heart and brings light to my soul, if only - if only, do I dare hope? 

You pass by again, seeing me like you haven't - your hand on my shoulder and the words I desperately need to hear whisper in my ear: "I want this to work."  My melting heart turns to mush and I almost miss your touch. 

My walls crumble, pride is spent, bitterness pours off my heart and I am left standing in the middle of the storm. Again alone, the touch of you left branded on my core- dare I hope? Dare I hope. Against my better judgement (damn walls, where are you?) I believe you.  

Take a deep breath and hold on because this isn't going to be easy but I'm coming to find you, and I'm coming to bring you home.  We can rebuild what this storm has damaged, I will learn with you. All I have are my hands (empty) and a heart that doesn't know what it's doing. 

I step into the storm blind but my heart says this is the right way.  Dare I choose to believe? Dare I hope?