the Paradox of death

Death is an intensely curious thing. It gives no notice as to when and where or even how it may come. The finality of death creates a melancholy within me that I seem not able to shake. My heart lags inside me and the general placement of my spirit seems dim. Death and loss are only repairable by the knowledge and faith of something after this world. It would be illogical to have such great intelligence, such passionate desires, the talents and skills people posess in this diverse populace only to have it snuffed out like a candle in the window caught with wind. Death trades with us a feeling of empty longing, left open in our chest. A pit is ripped in our insides that bottoms out when a memory, a trace of a reminder crosses paths with our hearts. Death steals away those we love and leaves us stopped in time expecting those around us to stop and look about – yet the time passes the same and not a glance is cast our way. It is as if that life was meaningless; that the universe could care less that a bright spark has been extinguished. You want to cry out "look! remember! Don't you care?! My heart is broken!" But the pain I feel is completly my own and although I am connected - grief maintains a lonely road.

 Cruel fate, the loss of love. We spend all this time sharing the whispers of our souls with another being only to have them taken from us – the whispers of our souls taken with them. No one can craft the love created between two people; whether it be friend or lover, each relationship is its own, none duplicated and never again to be repeated. This is the heartbreak of death. We are left with memories and a world that callously continues despite the stopping of our own. 

 This body inevitably will fail us. Death is inevitable. The only repreve that I have is that grief is a feeling many can share in and this world is not designed to be lived alone. Although I may feel as if the world has stopped and I am sitting alone in my sorrow, the reality is that the world continues because there is reason for it to continue. To live in this moment is the only certain thing we have. To be able to hold someone’s hand and share in their life over coffee is a catalyst of moment. We inspire and share our souls with everyone around us through a story or joke and we are connected. I am not alone even though you have left. Even though my heart longs for yours, I am still connected. 

 To be living in the moment, we make sure that life is lived completely. Not one breath is promised. Not one day is to be taken for granted. What a waste it would be to live a life devoid of passion and dreams- unable to connect with those we have around us. Although death may sting, life is a salve. Look! Look around at the beauty it offers us: The smell of a flower ripened in the sun, the laughter of a baby joyous with love. The kiss of the wind, unseen but powerful and the brilliance of the sun who rises again. The beauty of forgiveness and the grace of second chances. A mothers love, a child’s faith, the joy of achieving our goals. These things are constant, death cannot steal every single one. 

 So although my heart be weary from sorrow, my eyes dry from tears, and my soul discouraged by despair – I look up and onward for although the day may stop for me, the world continues on and I am still a part of it. I am still here. Like I said, death is an intensely curious thing.. 

 -jackie