all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another....

John 13:34-35 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

When I first read this verse of the bible, I thought, "wow, that's so true - I really like that"  and then I couldn't get it out of my head.  My optimism turned sour and then I found myself thinking "But where ARE these disciples?"

Coming from a christian girl who has recently reclaimed her faith in Jesus Christ, I still carry many jagged emotions about the hypocrisy of the christian church.  You see, in my story in particular, when I chose to make my own decisions that rebelled from the christian way of thinking, I found a lot of people who seemed to only know me/like me/support me when I was strolling through life the "proper way."

Being brought up a bit rough and thrown to adulthood with no sense of which way to go and how to handle my baggage, I, of course, fell from my faith and took the hard way to figure myself out.  While I was walking that journey, I fell from grace - not necessarily God's grace but the good graces of those people I had spent many years serving Christ with.  I think I made people uncomfortable.  I know for awhile, feeding the wolf of selfishness inside me turned me into a flaming jackass.  However, there are few that I can recall who loved me - GENUINELY loved me from the distance I placed around myself.  These people are the people who have shown me Christ.  These people are the people who inspired me to return to Christ.  These people are those genuine lovers of God that the world needs more of.  

So, with my split heart leaning towards godliness and jaded cynicism, I can only wonder: Where are the disciples of the church? Where are the christian's who would sit with the sinner and be genuine friends with them despite their obvious sin filled life?  Where are the Christians who chase the fallen because friendship doesn't mean "only friends if we are both serving god."  Where are the Christians who make themselves uncomfortable to be Christ for the broken?  When did Christians get so selfish and stuck up that we can't follow the dude we proclaim to follow?  When did stipulations become so prevalent?  Then the church wonders why people want nothing to do with Christ. When did we get so surface?  Where is the love of Christ?  But whatever happened to loving someone because they are full of depth and character?  Why do we have to love people only when they act worthy enough?  Doesn't that negate what Jesus says in the bible all along?  I have met more genuine people covered in sin than those I find in the church.  

Don't get me wrong.  I am not trying to bash the Christian church - much.  I am ashamed to be walking back into a faith that means empty dust to those around me.  I am ashamed to have been so surface.  I am ashamed to have been this empty disciple to so many who fell away before me.  What is the cause for all this?  Jesus wants to turn us into someone new.  He even promises that the work he starts will be finished.  We are a continual work in progress and we will let people down.  We will succumb to our selfishness more than we succumb to our selflessness.  Jesus walked with sinners because he loved them.  People are changed because Jesus loved them.  Love changes everything - but what about when people don't change?  What about when they don't follow our expectations?  WE LOVE THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE WORTH IT.  Everyone.  No matter what.  

this being said - I challenge believers to get outside your cliques, your fake smiles, your "must be perfect" expectations for yourself and look inward.  Really look at yourself and understand that just becuase you work harder to be better and you spend ten hours in the bible doesn't make you any better than the drunk down the street.  Jesus is the beautiful thing inside us, not our works.  Especially not our works that we proclaim for public opinion.  Don't get me wrong, there is a time and place to brag about what you are proud of and being proud of our accomplishments isn't a bad thing. - Good for you for doing it.  But don't turn into a cocky know it all who is too stuck up to remember what its like to feel like a failure and let those feelings swallow you whole.   

You know what brought me back to church?  Genuine people who I can relate to.  No one can relate to perfect.  Transparency with yourself and others.  A real healthy dose of reality.  That is what I am comfortable with.  I cannot relate to perfect or even trying to be perfect and I honestly believe that Jesus doesn't expect us to be perfect - He wants us to be transformed and to LOVE one another and Love Him.  So I challenge those of you who actually read all the way to the bottom of this honest confession.  Be honest with yourself, be transparent, understand that you are the sinner you are because you know you are saved by HIS grace - not yours. And for (literally) God's sake - can we start loving each other instead of judging each other?  Loving each other instead of  being happy that something bad happened to that person you don't like?  Can we love each other instead of choosing our comforts first?  Because if we can, I think I might actually see some of those disciples Jesus was talking about.  Maybe the world might see some of those disciples Jesus was talking about.  Maybe the world will know that we belong to a good God who accepts us despite our flaws and maybe can believe He could accept them too.  Maybe the love is the key.  Maybe even if you are not religious - could we just learn to love one another and put out a hand?

--Jackie

his beloved.