I remember when i first started blogging on this site and I had just graduated. I went on to explain everything I would have once accomplished with my schooling. I just finished. I have it all, and all i thought about was my mom never saw it happen. Im pretty sure she knew it would happen, but she didn’t get to see the finality of the completion.
Although I feel happy and.. odd that my school days are finished (for now), I realized that every good thing that happens to me, I can never share with her. how… sad. But that doesn’t stop my from rejoycing. Its more a sad moment within the happy, which in a strange perspective, I am remembering my mom and rejoycing in her life when I miss her. I dont know. I recently talked to a woman of much wisdom. SHe has been going through alot of crap this year and watching her grow from it inspires me to stop being a baby and walk. she said “ Yes, I am not okay right now, I am allowed to let my emotions do their thing and I can be upset and hurt and angry and sad but I cannot let how I feel destroy my life. It will become a part of me, but will not be me” Holy cow. I wanna live that. I want to get that. really get that.
Im done. I got my double major, my TESL certificate and my CNA. Its my very own schooling tailored to specifically my interests.
I was praying last night about how scary it is to actually put your schooling into practice. But how silly it would be not to. I am almost terrified to go be a missionary, I lack the confidence to teach english as a second language, and fear messing something up as a CNA. I am so tired of being chained down by fear. God teach me to be brave. God use me.
-Jackie
I can remember saying the exact prayer, "God teach me to be brave. God use me." It was all about wanted to be apart of something bigger than myself and to leave the earth a tiny bit better than when I got here. That's why I started nursing school.
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